Vipassna days….Growth, gains and gratitude

After airily proclaiming to all and sundry about taking a break and going for another Vipassna course, after ignoring questions about my sanity ( “Why would you want to go a second time for something so tough?”), after packing off the dogs to the village, and after packing the smallest-rucksack-ever-with-the-fewest-clothes-ever, I set off for Kolkata and DhammaGanga, for another attempt to bring Vipassna into my life.

Last year, I had attended my first course in Dehradun.10 days of that course had left me wanting more. I had planned to read more about this philosophy, practice Vipassna for two hours daily, and convince everyone to get the benefits for themselves. People remarked about my clear and calm countenance, the knitters were delighted to have a cool Didi, and the dogs were just happy to have me back. A year down the road, and there was no absolutely no Vipassna anywhere in my routine. I was as volatile/ as stressed/as lazy/as addicted to Spider Solitaire/as prone to thinking out the worst possible scenarios to a situation.I was quite the same, nothing like the feelings with which I had returned.

2019 had come with some tough times and even before half time, I felt the need for some clarity, some strength and determination, and a mighty big shove to get my act together. A little Vipassna and mind work would do the trick, I thought, while booking the course at DhammaGanga.

First lesson from a second course of Vipassna…there is nothing like “a little Vipassna”. Its a tough, gruelling ten days of working on the mind, and I have vowed to never, ever, think of it as a break from my daily grind. The centre, situated on the banks of the serene Hooghly, had every possible conducive factor. Greenery, river breeze wafting into my single room, tasty vegetarian meals, and a cool and comfortable meditation hall ( split air conditioners–thank you!)  But by the third day, the forgotten aches and discomfort and that swinging mad monkey mind, made me ready to throw the towel and drag my aching limbs and torso back to the creature comforts of Kolkata.

Second lesson from a second course of Vipassna…perseverance pays, and how!! By the fourth day, after the mind had settled down to solitude, and the aches had passed (as they always do), I discovered this ability to actually focus, really focus, and watch the benefits of the technique seep in. It was not easy, but as every day resulted in Eureka moments and actual progress, I was ready for the next day even before the earlier day bowed out. The routine, the instructions, the evening discourse, the guidance by teachers–it was identical to the first course, but the difference in the quality of the student’s mind made that quantum jump possible.

Two lessons from a second course should be beneficial enough?! Maybe, but there was so much more to assimilate and absorb. Some intensely private, and some public but all worth mulling over and marvelling about.

30 women, and 50 men doing this 10 day retreat from modern living…and you would presume the majority to be retired or taking a break after success and stress had visited them regularly. Our course had 6 women, who could be termed”senior citizens” ( me included), and the rest looked like college students. I realised that those “college students”  were doctors, finance managers, business entrepreneurs and civil servants. Some women had been reading books by Yuval Noah Harare ,others had found Vipassna in Google Land, but very few women had been pushed into the course by family or social pressure. It was the same situation in the men’s section..though there was this strict code of “Noble Silence”, I did notice more young earnest faces than old jaded faces in that section too. It was heartening to realise that Vipassna is a technique being used by such a wide spectrum of people. And then, those youngsters would not have that aching regret which swamped my mind in Dehradun..Regret for not having started earlier in life!

Letting go of past issues and habits…letting go of symbols and rituals from the past…letting go of expectations and longings which were really not in my control. Like a snake shedding its old skin, like a butterfly shedding its chrysalis, like giving away a beloved book. If there is one thing which will make me turn regularly to Vipassna, it would be this aspect, for sure.

I let go of my past habit of playing spider solitaire for long hours…I let go of that one symbol of divorce which I had been holding onto for decades–the divorce diamond solitaires shimmering in my ears…I let go of that nagging longing to share the link of a TEdX talk which had been such a successful experience.

Ten days of improving technique, ten days of quiet times with the mind, ten days of changing my mind set and getting clarity… I have returned with strength, resolve, peace and the uncanny situation of watching the world waiting to serve me.