This week, 3 phone conversations have replayed endlessly in my mind. Two of them were in a similar vein, while the other one was diametrically opposite.
The similar ones were from two women stationed on the East and West coast of our country. The women are mature, successful, rich and single. Director and CEO, the world at their feet, articles written about them–you get the picture?!
Both of them called up to touch base.
Both of them, after the first set of how-are-you-questions, sent the googly…”have you got yourself a boyfriend?!” It wasn’t the question per se which shook me… it was the wistful excitement which crept into their voices, the hope that at least one ageing single woman has found her dream man, the deep conditioning which made them believe that a boyfriend was on the top of the list of things-needed-to-be-happy. On replying that I am perfectly content with my single status and wouldn’t like to share my rhythm of solitude and work with anyone else, the same answer came through, “you do need some companionship when you are growing old”.
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The third call was from a single mother handling a divorce, kids and a huge business.
Just back from a holiday with her daughter and four of her friends, she called to share her absolute delight in realizing that she has so many daughters in her “family”. That the idea of family being Dad-Mom-kiddos is such a constricting idea to live life with. That by opening up her heart and space to others, she has so much affection, admiration, support and love flooding into her life and making her a strong and complete person.
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All this social conditioning which we live with–unknowingly and willingly!!!
That family has to be just Dad-Mum-kids…everyone else is an outsider to the inner charmed circle.
That only one single person can provide you that much needed companionship.
That one is alone and incomplete if one chooses to live the solitary life.
That there must be lots of bank accounts with abundant funds to make us truly happy.
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My family includes pets, extended family, friends, friends of daughters, some college mates,ex friends of daughters, neighbors, Hema and her clan and everything else in-between. It can be a little crazy at times, but its just what I need. I get the opportunity to spoil and pamper lots of family members, tell the same stories to different audiences ( and then forget which ones have heard the story before), get affection and admiration in truck loads, and have a long list of numbers to call for anything I need.
I love my solitude, and I love the fact that I can choose my company depending on what I need.
As for the bank accounts….abundance of cheer, satisfaction and happiness have made me give up the need to check the balance of funds and the flow of cash. There is enough.
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It is time, my dear friends, to stand back and update our beliefs …to let go of the conditioning which stops us from being us…to just be !
