March has dripped into existence today.
At 6 am, I can hear raindrops drumming a slow staccato rhythm on the tin ledges. Its dark and cold outside–winter is putting up a strong fight, but spring with its yellow flowers, green shoots and riotous birds advances relentlessly.
Today could be the swansong of the winter of 2014 and I will bid a fond farewell to the season. It has been a season of reflection, resolutions, re-unions and some realizations. Looking back, I find that the winter months have been used to dig deeper inside my mind, question and analyse my life decisions, stay in that challenging space of uncertainty and doubt, and finally emerge with a game plan for the next year. A plan which is aligned to my value systems and beliefs..A plan which will, most certainly, be questioned and debated upon later in the year. A plan which could appear redundant and weak by the next winter.
This winter, I have been feted and recognized for being me.
A great feeling, but a passing feeling too. Being on a platform made me see what a wide world of women exists and that I am just a small cog in the big picture of the world.
I have met and hugged friends from the past…
School friends, medical college course mates and cousins from the family. There has been this delightful feeling of finding them, hearing about their lives, exclaiming on how time has changed/not changed them, catching up on family sizes and achievements, promising to remain in touch on email and Whatsapp and vowing never to let them go. It takes a few days for the euphoria to subside and then its back to that little circle of good caring friends and family. The reunion glow brightens up stray moments of the day, but then, one moves back to familiar routines.
I have bid farewell to the tallest woman in my life–my aunt, my “Choto-Pishi”.
And I have become closer to the next tallest woman in my life–my cousin, the daughter of “Choto-Pishi”. She returned to Delhi after a memorable fortnight here. We talked and laughed, shared memories of our quirky family, walked all over the town, knitted and muddled through knitting instructions, watched the debonair Fawad Khan for the nth time, and chatted late into the night after lights off. I wish she could have stayed longer, but I am glad that I had her to myself for two good weeks.
I have st(r)ayed far away from this space in February. I have stayed far away from Ranikhet for a February fortnight. And I have strayed far away from the routine which has centered and empowered me. No early morning writing, no thoughtful eating, no regular exercise and no progress on my knitting and writing plans.
There are times when one has to sink really deep, touch the bottom of the well, feel the total darkness of not being/doing what one has been born for. It is only after hitting rock-bottom, does one snap out of that state of descent. I hit rock-bottom on Wednesday….stayed at that place on Thursday… began the climbing out on Friday…and here am I today, in front of the computer screen, with my nuts and tea beside me, and the dogs snoring in the background. The raindrop rhythm continues and the sky is lightening up with the grey of dawn.
It is time to don my woollens, grab an umbrella and take the dogs out for a quick walk in the rain. It is time to look at the March page of my diary and fill up that empty space with to-dos, lists and resolutions. It is time to take a deep breath and take another tiny step towards that goal of well being. It is time to be here and to greet you, my reader.
Good morning March!